Last night I went to a parenting class that was being offered by some lady in our ward. Going into it, I wasn’t quite sure what to expect. I had heard that she does a great job with her classes, but… I thought that it was an odd thing for my ward to offer.
I was expecting it to be four or five of the other parents in the ward sitting in a circle while we talked about what to do for problem kids. Not that my kid is a problem kid, but I figured I would learn something for dealing with the terrible twos. For some reason I was thinking it was going to be an AA meeting for parents 🙂 Luckily I was disappointed and it was a truly fantastic class.
The class used the seminary room, so we were actually in a classroom setting. Lesson one was titled “Step One in promoting good behavior.”
In retrospect I mentioned to my wife that anyone who is patient and not rushed would probably have learned and implemented everything that was taught. But I guess that’s the hitch there. As parents when are we not rushed?
We started with analysis. This included looking for patterns in behavior. Basically, what are the behaviors and what happens before and after.
At this point  I started to feel like I was getting trained for a second job. On one hand I was extremely grateful for the knowledge. Yet, on the other hand I can now no longer claim total ignorance to parenting. Now I feel like, if I don’t analyze my child’s terrible two behavior I’m lazy…
Don’t get me wrong. I already know I am lazy. My Netflix account has told me that. The night of parenting class motivated me in a way that I think is positive. The information is there I just need to look at it and think about it. Once you start thinking about what sets your kid off you start preventing it. This is where my anxiety about my second job eased a little, and the night got very interesting.
I am not going to go over everything here for two reasons. First, I could not do justice to the class. And second, My wife didn’t take notes on everything, so I am just going to give the highlights that I remember and she recorded.
- In kids depression and anxiety manifest as a loud hyperactive kid. Anxiety in general is just bad for kids. So the more we can communicate what is going to happen, and get kids to be at peace with situations the better behaved they will be. This includes:
- What’s going to happen
- Location
- People present and…
- Expected behavior – what your body and mouth need to be doing
- Kids with ADHD are constantly moving because they are trying to spatially  coordinate themselves. My wife, and daughter, both do this all the time. Apparently something good to do is sit them on the ground with their back to the wall. This is the maximum touch position. I guess you don’t need to move your body as much when all of it is touching something already.
- Label emotions and behaviors. This one really stood out to me because I have already seen baby girl getting it. It seems a bit like programming a computer. But, helping her recognize how she is feeling and then labeling it gives her not only the vocabulary to express herself. It also gives her the vocabulary for me to express to her what I expect from her. For instance, what it feels like to be reverent at church.
- Preparation is so important. I forget time and time again that I am no longer able to just wing it with a family. There are two ways to do a road trip. The prepared way; with snacks and an activity at a time when she will likely fall asleep. Or, the unprepared way; with crying… crying…. and more crying. It really doesn’t take too long to just get the girl ready.
I love my family and I really want to be a good parent. There was so much great information. And, there will be another class in a few weeks.
Like I had said earlier, someone who is patient and not rushed will be a great parent. But, for the rest of us preparation and strategy are the tickets.
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