My second baby’s birth was drastically different from my first baby’s birth. The first was filled with anxiety, stress and lot’s of beeps and blinking lights. My latest baby’s birth was peaceful, dim and dare I say reverent… whenever I spoke I felt the need to whisper. My wife, did not.
Labor number 2 started in the late morning 2 days after the due date. Baby was due on leap day. Leap day has always been special to me. It’s a day that only occurs once every 4 years. The whole world treats it like it doesn’t matter. The fact that February only has 28 days is a bit of a fluke, but that is a tangent for another day.
While I was disappointed to miss leap day my lady and I were trying to be as relaxed as we could about the birthdate. When baby #1 was born we went in too soon, but my lady was too anxious to send home. This started the roller coaster of petosin, anxiety and eventually the epidural, which we wanted to avoid. But, after such a stressful night it was all that could slow the madness.
The contractions picked up all day long. But, like I said we were trying to downplay everything so we didn’t end up disappointed. Around 8 is when active labor kicked in. I got excited that we were on the home stretch. Mostly because I wanted to meet baby #2. Yet, I had been working days that I thought I would have off… so I was ready for my staycation to begin.
My lady wouldn’t admit that she was in labor until about 1 am. This was when her sister and I finally convinced her to “call the midwife!” Our bags were basically packed, but I spent the next 30 minutes moving the carseat and filling up our car with everything. My sister-in-law made sure we didn’t forget the little bag of bunny snacks and ran out to our car to make sure we got them.
But back to my wife’s labor. With baby #1 every contraction of active labor was an event where everyone went into action. The same sister-in-law had back duty and I held my wife’s arms and made sure she was supported. It was a three minute drill that drained everyone’s energy. This was not the case with this labor.
My sister-in-law was already in town and stopped by like she normally would have when my girl went into labor. Instead of a three minute drill we played exploding kittens, which I equate to exploding snap without magic, and ate the BEST brownies ever. My lady was still very uncomfortable during contractions, but she just zoned out for a minute and then came back to the conversation. Kinda funny at the time, but seriously impressive in reality. She had such a control over her body and her reaction. I still cannot tell her how proud I am of everything she did.
Her sister and I tried to be as helpful as we could. We would talk to her, hold her hands. I rubbed her back and applied pressure when and where needed. Her sister was great to have because it wasn’t like we called someone to come in and pinch hit (i.e. spend the night with little girl). Rather, it was like we were just hanging out and lady girl happened to be in labor. It put a great spin on the situation and I think it was more relaxing as a result.
But! The time had finally come to get our booties to the birthing center!
Yes, that’s right. Birthing center… not hospital. In the future, if it is ever up to me I will avoid the hospital. Not because I think others know better… I just get the heebies jeebies from the lavender walls and linoleum floors. I know many great people in health care. I think each and every one of them is doing a great job, and cares sincerely about those they work with.
That said, a birthing center fills a business need. I love free markets, because when there is an unmet need enterprising person will fill the gap. For my wife and I we needed a place that felt a bit more like home. And, a little less like the place where people go to see grandma off…. For my first, I would not let my lady utter the words birthing center, let alone home birth… yuck! However, after my latest experience I cannot say enough great things about the birthing center. And if I had a white tile bathroom and a lot of bleach I’d be down for a home birth too ;P
Between our home and the birthing center lays my favorite part of my daily commute. I grew up 5 minutes outside of the city and as a result really love country driving. There is just something so satisfying about being able to turn on your brights and not worry about pissing off other drivers… Anyway, there is a nice stretch of country road between our home and where the birthing center is. It’s only a few miles but… man alive it is nice to hit the peddle to the floor after 17 miles of bumper to bumper traffic.
Because I grew up in the country I am well aquatinted with the dangers of night driving. But really, there is just one danger…
DEER!
To put my night into perspective, and really draw a picture of how peaceful baby #2’s birth was. The most thrilling and scary part of our night was nearly hitting a deer on the way to the center. It was mid-contraction for my girl, and frankly I’m surprised we weren’t on the side of the road delivering a baby boy scout style…
Labor changed drastically when we finally got to the birthing center. We were no longer in active labor, as we had “transitioned….” My lady was a lot more closed off during this time. She paced a lot… and I tried to act like her shadow. I read a blog a few days prior where the chick said that once she was in transition stage she felt very alone. My goal was to be with my girl if she needed me, but not get in the way and be annoying. She said I did a good job.
Another consideration for painting this vivid picture is that it was the middle of the night. I have a problem staying awake mid-day during meetings with key clients. So… yes… I did doze. But, in fairness, my wife dozed too. I have no idea how much time passed between those contractions because we both dozed by the tub. Me, sitting in a chair and her, sitting, face inches from the water. Each contraction she would squeeze my arm. We would connect for a minute. Then we would pass out again.
I’m not really sure how many contractions passed like that. But, at some time in the middle of the night my wife screamed; “Mark! get the midwife! I can feel the baby’s head coming out!” Within moments the room was filled by midwife and two midwife students. It turns out it wasn’t actually wasn’t the baby’s head. Her water hadn’t broken yet. So, it actually was the amniotic sac preparing the way for the baby’s head… really freakin’ cool.
The actually birthing of the baby was the craziest it got. There was yelling, water was splashing all over the place, the mid-wife was telling her what she should do… and then hopped into the tub to help. At this point my girl was really at her best. She would probably tell you that she lost it at this point. But, I think this is where she really shinned. I felt a little useless, but I held her hand tight and kept trying to be encouraging.
This was another experience that differed greatly between the two babes’ births. At the hospital she was pressured to do more, try harder and do it a different way than what was natural for her. At the birthing center it was a lot more centered on helping and encouraging her. As someone who loves her, I liked that better. It felt like people actually cared about her during this experience. Not to say that people at the hospital don’t care. But, I do think that the environment and lighting make a big effect on how we talk and treat each other.
My wife and I did not find out the gender prior to birth. I’m glad we didn’t because a) it was a lot more fun and b) it’s a lot cheaper when you don’t have great insurance. I have what’s called a high deductible plan. It setup so that you really think about what you’re spending your company’s insurance money on… Anyway, when we found out the ultra sounds were optional and $400 we decided to buy [insert anything that costs $400] instead.
Early in the pregnancy I was told the old wive’s tale that with boys women carry the weight in their belly. While with girls, women carry the weight throughout their body. My first was a girl, and when I compared how my lady was carrying the weight this time versus last time I concluded she was having a boy. This and the fact that we weren’t in any way prepared to have a boy really cemented the assumed gender of the baby. Everything we had was pink or purple and we could not agree on whether or not to circumcise…
So, when our baby was born I was looking at her face and kept thinking… “This is my son… but he doesn’t really look like a boy… I don’t think he has the right stuff down there… is it… it is! It’s a GIRL!!!!” I was totally thrilled and relieved to have another girl. My wife had a similar experience. When she first saw our baby she was thinking boy as well. That’s why when we told our family about the birth we asked them to guess the gender…
As a top tip for new parents: Do not make your family guess the gender of your baby. When you let someone know about your baby they want to know 3 things. In fact, they MUST know 3 things:
- Gender
- Name – for some reason people assume right after birth that you know the full name of your new baby…
- Weight – Pounds and ounces, please
- Length – *optional*
The rest of the day after baby was born was great. The only visitors were our daughter and the midwives. We had lunch catered by Claim Jumper and dinner from CPK. We were able to rest and enjoy the arrival of our new bundle of joy. This is where the birthing center really kicked the butt off of the hospital. We had great food, a bed big enough for us to sleep together, and no one knew where we were! In fact, if we wanted, we could have asked the center to turn away anyone that tried to visit 🙂
I love my family. I am so happy to share my new baby with the world. Yet, the biggest mistake we made with our first daughter was not taking care of ourselves first. I worked on schoolwork and some of the most random well wishers came by to visit… for hours. My wife was up all night laboring with a baby. The last thing she needs is to entertain guests, especially third tier and above.
Nope, this time we did it right. We recovered.
The whole experience was amazing. What really stood out for me was when my family came together. After baby #2 was born it actually felt a lot like we had rebooted baby #1. They looked a lot a like and with how tired I was I wasn’t quite all there. But, I kept thinking, how am I going to love both my girls?? How will I not keep comparing them? And, how could I do this to baby #1, I am forcing her to be a big sister….
When baby #1 came to visit, my life shifted, and I could cry just thinking back to it. I came down the stairs to let her in the building and she was shaking with joy. Not for seeing me, but because she knew she had a baby sister. We hadn’t told her gender yet.. she just knew. She was bouncing off the walls of the room when she met her sister. Seeing them both there together it all just clicked. Baby #1 was a big sister and I couldn’t compare either of them… I just loved them both so much.
Since then Baby #1 has shown that she is a little jealous of the attention baby #2 gets from mom. But, she is such a great big sister and really loves that new kid. She acts so sweet and really lights up when I ask her to help me care for new baby.
Having kids is tough. I still say that with some naivety, as the journey really has just started. Yet, with the little glimpse I have into the world of raising kids I am beyond grateful for the gift of my family. My Heavenly Father gave me the greatest gift to have these girls, momma and daughters, in my life.
I love my three girls!
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